Human Needs - Relationships
Three Levels of a Relationship
- LEVEL ONE: SELFISH LOVE: MY NEEDS COME FIRST -This is the least mature level – one or both partners are focused on meeting their own needs first. The relationship is fragile. There is an erosion of trust and togetherness and there is regular conflict or dispute. Every gesture, every gift, every concession or compromise has strings attached. Nothing is given out of free will, only out of a wish for barter, fairness or personal gain. Everything is a ploy, a calculation, an advance payment creating debt. It is difficult to accept love because we never know what the price might be.
- LEVEL TWO: CONDITIONAL LOVE: YOU GET YOURS AND I GET MINE - This level is based on a subtle agreement between the couple: “You get yours and I get mine.” Because there is always a weighing of mine and yours, there is the ever-present danger of devolving to level one selfishness where I didn’t get mine, so you don’t get yours. In many couples, level two is based on common consideration and fair exchange, but often there is so much independence and inequality between the couple, that the partners lose the ability to move each other at all. Everything is polite, chummy and sexually neutral.
- LEVEL THREE: UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: THE OTHER’S NEEDS COME FIRST - Both partners put each other first and passion flows. When a partner discovers the other’s need, he or she serves that need spontaneously in the best way possible without calculating a payback. The partners are constantly making the effort to understand each other better in order to serve each other. They have figured each other out and know how to pleasure each other intensely. They love each other unconditionally and nothing is needed for the love to be expressed. When there is a foundation of trust, partners can express themselves in darker and naughtier ways to give their relationship a suspenseful edge. If the “center of gravity” of the relationship is at level three, the partners are “in the zone,” enjoying one of the most rare and precious experiences of life.
Seven Master Relationships Skills
- Heartfelt understanding
- Giving what they really need
- Creating and building trust and respect
- Reigniting playfulness, presence and passion
- Harnessing courage and embracing honesty
- Uncovering and creating alignment
- Live consciously: be an example