How and Why Others Try to Hold You Back From Success

How and Why Others Try to Hold You Back From Success

When you’re trying to change your life, there will be people that feel the need to get in your way. A few of them might actually believe they’re trying to help you, but they’re not. They want you to stay just the way you are. That way, they can feel comfortable about not improving themselves, too.

It’s frustrating to find out that few people are on your side, but it’s something that must be managed if you want to succeed.

See how others may try to derail your success:

1.  They point out your past failures. We’ve all failed numerous times in the past. Some people in your life will undoubtedly bring up those failures in an attempt to sabotage your efforts.

–  Suppose you decide you want to climb all the 14,000-foot+ peaks in the US. You might be reminded by a “friend” that you couldn’t even climb the 2,000-foot peak at summer camp. They might even suggest that you come up with a more reasonable goal.

2.  They will try to make you feel guilty. Guilt is another weapon. Sticking with our mountain climbing theme, you might be told that all that travel is expensive. You might also be told that you should be saving all the money for your child’s college education. Or maybe you should spend all that time with your family instead.

3.  They try to distract you. “Hey, forget the mountains. Let’s all go on a big vacation together instead.”

These are just a few of the less devious ways those around you might try to sabotage your efforts. But why would they do it in the first place? It doesn’t seem kind and supportive, and it’s not. Though they might try to present it that way.

There are several reasons why people close to you try to sabotage your efforts:

1.  They want to stay comfortable with their mediocrity. If you do something amazing, they have to deal with the fact that they have not. No one wants to feel like they’re losing the game of life. Rather than deal with their own fear, insecurity, and laziness, it’s just easier and less work to hold you back.

2.  Jealousy. While there are some people that are genuinely happy to see you achieve something great, win the lottery, or lose 50 pounds, there are even more that are jealous. They’ll try to stop you from being successful. And if that doesn’t work, they’ll attempt to diminish the value of your success.

–  For example, “Oh, if I had all of your free time, I could easily lose 50 pounds, too.”

3.  People don’t like change. Everyone is getting something from you. If they got nothing out of their relationship with you, they wouldn’t associate with you at all. If you change, it threatens the status quo. If you become something different, where does that leave them?

–  It’s psychologically easier for them if you just stay the same.

The solution is to commit to being successful in spite of the objections of others. You might want to consider removing the worst offenders from your life. Life is hard enough without having your own friends and family trying to make it even harder.

Commit to your goals for the right reason. Impressing others is a shallow reason for doing something. Do it for yourself.

Consider keeping your big goals to yourself. You receive less resistance from others. Choose what’s best for your life and do it! You don’t need the approval of others.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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Creating A Successful Social Circle

Creating A Successful Social Circle

The world is too big of a place to take on alone. You need some friends, a tribe, a social circle to bring the world down to a manageable size.

With so much of our lives spent on digital gadgets and the internet, a good social circle is much more challenging to create. It’s not as easy to connect with people in the real world, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible!

Try these techniques to build a social circle that adds to your life:

1. Define what a successful social circle looks like for you. It’s challenging to be successful if you don’t know what success looks like to you. What do you want from your social circle? Do you want:

–  Friends for casual fun?
–  A social circle of business contacts?
–  A group of people for dating purposes?
–  Someone to ride motorcycles with?
–  Travelling partners?
–  A group of like-minded men or women for meaningful discussion?

2.  Find like-minded people. While you might not want to hang out with a group of people exactly like you, your social circle will likely consist largely of people that are a lot like you. Think about the things you like to do and find others with similar interests.

3. Work on building your social circle a little each day. This isn’t the kind of thing you should work on all day on Saturday and ignore the rest of the week. A little bit of effort each day will really pay off over time.

4.  Use online resources. What can’t you find online these days? Get online and find local clubs and other organizations you could join to find people that interest you. There are plenty of social meetups that can be found online for your local area.

5. Learn something. Invest in yourself by learning something new – just ensure that you leave the house to do it. Whether you want to learn to weld or to meditate, there’s a place you can do that. And you’re bound to find others with similar interests that you can connect with.

6.  Work on your social skills. It’s not easy to add people to your life if you’re uncomfortable around others. Social skills can be developed just like any other skill. Practice makes perfect, so brush up on your skills and get out there. You can make some new friends while you’re practicing

7.  Stay in touch. The more casual the relationship, the more likely it is to fade away. Staying in touch doesn’t have to be challenging or time consuming. A quick text, email, or phone call can be sufficient to maintain many relationships. Better yet, get out of the house and spend time with your tribe.

8.  Evaluate. Just because someone is willing to spend time with you doesn’t mean you should agree. Just because someone has been in your social circle doesn’t mean you should allow them to remain. From time to time, evaluate those you spend time with and make a decision whether they should stay or go.

Do you need to add to your social circle? There are plenty of ways to get started. Define the group of people that interest you and get out there and find them.  While it can be challenging today to connect with people in real life, there are many others that want to get out of the house, too. Build a social circle that adds significantly to your life.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Have the Best Year of Your Life

How to Have the Best Year of Your Life

When was the last time you had a great year? What has been the best year of your life so far? This year can be different. You can have a great year without that much effort. You only need a new perspective and a plan.

A few exciting goals and a few interesting things to look forward to can turn an average year into a great year.

Use these strategies to take control and make this year the best of your life:

1.  Choose one exciting thing to do each quarter. Give yourself something to look forward to. You can have something big each year, like a great vacation, but we need things that are closer in the future to look forward to, too. 

–  Have something exciting planned at least once every 12 weeks. It might be a day trip into the city if that all your pocketbook or schedule will allow. Or you might be able to do something more extravagant. The key is to have something that creates anticipation.

2.  Practice gratitude. Your life is already better than you think. Be grateful for the good things and people in your life. It will enhance your mood, and you’ll be in a better position to have a great year.

3.  Set one goal for each major area of your life. If you want to have a great year, you need to make some progress in your life. Break your life down into a few categories. You might decide on relationships, finances, health, and adventure. It’s up to you.

–  Create one goal for each category and do your best to achieve it. Hitting just a couple of goals can make for a great year.

4.  Spend less. Debt is one thing that can ruin your life. Have you ever noticed how your mood is often closely tied to the amount of money in your bank account? Spend less money this year and save more. At the very least, ensure that you’re spending your money in a way that will maximize your year.

5.  Eliminate the negative. Get rid of as many things as possible that are getting in the way. The negative things in your life might be debt, certain social obligations, your excessive waistline, or certain people. What is getting in your way? 

6.  Use the weekend to plan the following week. A great year doesn’t happen by accident. Plan your work, diet, exercise, and social activities. Plan anything else that is pertinent to your life, too. Take responsibility for your results by planning your actions.

7.  Eliminate five bad habits and add five good habits. A year is just about the right amount of time to get rid of a few bad habits and add a few good habits. Pick one good and bad habit from each category of your life and get to work.

8.  Be more honest. Be more honest with yourself and others. Be more honest about what you want from life. Honesty can be more stressful in the moment but is less stressful overall. Have a great year by increasing the degree of honesty you express in your life.

Was last year less than you’d hoped for? How about the year before that? Have you been stuck in a streak of bad years? Make the next 12 months the best you’ve ever had. Break out of your routine and try something new this year. You can have the best year of your life by setting the intention to do so right now.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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Need A Hero – Make Your Future Self Your Hero

Need A Hero – Make Your Future Self Your Hero

Maybe your hero is LeBron James or Albert Einstein. Those might be worthwhile heroes. However, it would be even better to become your own hero. Your life is your story, and every story needs a hero. 

By defining the hero of your story, you have a chance to become that hero. And it’s important for you to define the hero of your story, because the hero of each story is different. The hero of your story won’t be the same as the hero of someone else’s story.

A few ground rules:

–  Your hero has to start where you are. You have a particular starting point and resources available to you. Your hero has to begin from your starting point.

–  You have to set a time limit on when you’ll become your hero. Your hero doesn’t have 100 years to work with. You also need a deadline to work with. A good deadline is 5 to 10 years from now. At that point, you can reevaluate and create a new hero from your new starting point.

 

–  Avoid the tendency to limit yourself. You can accomplish a whole lot in 5-10 years. You’re a hero, after all.

Become your own hero:

1.  Define your hero’s accomplishments. What has your hero accomplished? From this moment in time, until your deadline, what will your hero achieve? Once you’re satisfied with your list, ask yourself how you could make it even better. Remember to work within the time frame you’ve given yourself.

2.  Define your hero’s attributes. What qualities does your hero have? What attributes would they have to possess in order to accomplish everything they’ve accomplished? What qualities in a person do you most admire and respect?

3.  Define your hero’s life. How does your hero live his life? How does he spend his day? Who is in his life? What types of things is he involved with? Where does he live? What time does he get out of bed? What does he eat for lunch? What is important to him?

4.  Define your hero’s goals. Your hero has accomplished a lot, but she’s not finished. What are her goals now? Whom does she want to become? What does the future hold for her? What are her plans?

5.  Make a plan to become your own hero. Starting where you are right now, what do you need to do to become the hero you’ve defined? What changes do you need to make in your life? What goals do you need to set and accomplish to become your hero?

–  Consider your hero’s finances, health and fitness, social circle, accomplishments, and skills. This is just for starters. Imagine what needs to be done to transform from your current self into your hero.

6.  Get started. This is the hardest part for most people. It’s fun to sit down and plan your future. It’s a little harder to actually get busy and make it happen. You have years to complete your mission, but you don’t have time to spare.

There’s no time to waste. The more time you wait to get started, the longer it’s going to take to become your hero.  Unless your life is perfect, your story needs a hero. You can define who that hero is going to be. There’s still time to become the most incredible person you’ve ever known.

When someone asks you, “Who is your hero?” you can honestly say, “Me, in 10 years.” Be the hero of your story.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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6 Habits That Prevent Happiness

6 Habits That Prevent Happiness

While there are a lot of habits that will help to bring happiness into your life, there are also plenty of habits that will chase happiness away.

Some of the things we do each day make it very unlikely that we’ll experience happiness. You’re probably doing at least of couple of these things and never considered the negative impact that they could be having on your life.

Avoid these habits that can rob you of happiness:

1. Unnecessary spending. One of the greatest stressors in life is financial issues. Happiness is harder to find when you’re up to your eyeballs in debt. General financial pressure is one of the greatest causes of misery and divorce.

–  Clutter is another barrier to happiness. When you spend too much, you have too much stuff. It’s always in the way and serves as a constant reminder that you spent more than you should have.

–  Think about the reward you gain by spending and find a less destructive way to accomplish the same thing.

–  If you want to make happiness a real possibility in your life, keep your spending under control. 

2.  Postponing your life. We’re always waiting for something to happen before taking action. Whether it’s waiting for the first of the month to start a diet, or waiting for the kids to leave the home before starting an online business, we always have an excuse to wait.

–  There will never be a perfect time to take that big step. Manage your circumstances as well as possible and get started today. Time is the one thing none of us can ever get back.

3.  Blaming others for your challenges. When you blame others, you lose control. It’s not easy to accept responsibility for all of the unpleasant things in your life, but what other choice do you have? No one else is going to fix it for you.

–  Even if you’ve been used and abused, you are still responsible for dealing with the aftermath. Accept the challenge and move forward.

4.  Not staying grounded in the present. Most people have a bad habit of dwelling on past mistakes and tragedies and worrying about the future. The past is over, so leave it there. Good choices today eliminate most future challenges. Focus on making the most of today, and the future will take care of itself.

–  Pay attention to your thoughts for an entire day. Notice how much time you spend thinking about the past or the future. Think about how that impacts your effectiveness and your happiness.

5.  Holding a grudge. If someone has wronged you, you might be making a good decision by not trusting that person again. However, holding on to the animosity is pointless. You just make yourself unhappy and less effective. Once it’s over, learn what you can from it and forge ahead.

6.  Focusing on challenges instead of solutions. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed if you focus on the unpleasant things in your life. Rather than do that, spend your time, energy, and focus on finding a way to make things better. You’ll feel better and be much more successful.

It’s easier to be happy if you stop doing the things that prevent happiness. We all pick up some bad habits along the way. The important thing is to recognize them and eliminate them.

Allow yourself to be happy by letting go of your anti-happiness habits. You’ll find that happiness isn’t as challenging to achieve as you thought.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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The Importance Of Core Strength

The Importance Of Core Strength

Many of us are well accustomed to the development of the glory muscles. Muscles like the chest, shoulders, quads and glutes will always get special attention in the gym – but how many people train their core correctly?

Yes, you see others doing simple exercises like leg raises and crunches to work their “abs,” but when we say core, we mean something different. 

Think of the core as an entire muscular system that spans the entire surface of the stomach and back. The core is a system of muscles that starts at the hips and runs all the way up to the ribcage – supporting the body the entire way without fault. 

With that said, many people have a very weak core which can lead to back pain, hip pain, and even pain in the upper back and neck. 

Training your core is important for these main reasons:Your core is your stability. Whenever you’re doing an exercise where a load is placed on your back, shoulders, or overhead, your core is the main muscular system that is providing stability. 

  1. Think of it as the bridge between your upper and lower body. If the bridge is weak, the connection between the two (upper and lower body) will not be nearly as effective as it could be. Training your core is important for stability in your big overhead movements.
    • A weak core means a weak squat and a weak overhead press. If you’re a strength athlete, this is something you need to look for.
  2. Your core helps you run. Since the core links the upper and lower body together, it will act as a synergist in nearly every step. A strong core means a strong and efficient runner. 
    • The core will also help to absorb shock. When you’re running, your body is impacted with about 40 x your bodyweight on each stride.  
    • If your goal is to run a long distance, you must have a strong core. 
  3. A strong core makes you look great. Last but not least, the core is important because a strong core looks great. Your core is very important to your overall wellbeing but training the core for strength and physique is also important. 

Having a great core is more diet than training, but when both of these ideas meet in harmony, you’ll have a core that is built for strength and success in any setting. 

Core Strength – A Crucial Element 

Core strength is important for your balance, stability, body strength, weightlifting goals, and running goals. This core muscle system appeals in the aesthetics of training. Plus, it helps keep your back, neck, and hips pain-free.

This is one system that cannot go unnoticed in your training program.

For best results, be sure to try and hit your core for about 60 minutes of training each week. Dedicated ab sessions, rather than 5 minutes after each workout, also seem to show better strength returns. 

The best time to pair core work is at the end of a leg training session. Pair your core training with all your leg workouts and watch as you grow stronger in the core and every aspect of fitness that comes with it.

Start training for core strength today. You’ll like the way you feel!

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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