A 7-Step Process for Dealing With Failure and Other Setbacks

A 7-Step Process for Dealing With Failure and Other Setbacks

You can accomplish anything if you’re willing to fail along the way. Failure is a consistent part of success. The most successful people fail far more often than the least successful people.

Life is full of setbacks. The question is whether you allow failure and other setbacks to derail your efforts. Everyone can learn to better deal with these common annoyances on the road to success.

Failure is a funny thing. It feels embarrassing and catastrophic, but that’s rarely the case. You fail every day. When you think your keys are in the kitchen drawer, but discover they are not, you failed. However, you don’t let it bother you. Instead, you just look somewhere else.

Dealing with failure can be that simple. If your first attempt doesn’t work, try something else.

The same can be said for your 30th failed attempt. Most people try a time or two and then give up. They decide it either can’t be done, or the stress of failing becomes too much to bear.

Use this process to overcome failure:

1.  Maintain your composure. Nothing will derail your progress like becoming emotionally distraught or quitting altogether. Undesirable results happen more often than not. It’s important to understand this fact.

When you expect that you’ll sometimes fail, it won’t bother you nearly as much. You simply keep going.

2.  Determine what went wrong. If possible, determine the error in your approach. Do your best to understand exactly what happened and why. If you don’t understand the issue, you can’t correct it.

3.  Maybe you just need to try again. Some things just naturally have high failure rates, like sales. For some products and services, you might face 100s of failures between successes. There’s no reason to fret, just try again. And again. And again.

4.  Alter your approach. It’s important to keep improving your method. No matter how great you are at something, it can always be better. Take a few minutes each day and adjust your approach.

5.  Look for alternatives. Maybe you need to try a completely new approach. There are often multiple ways around any obstacle. Maybe you can find a better alternative. For example, if you’ve been cold-calling for clients, maybe it would be better to:

–  Cold-email
–  Ask people you know for referrals
–  Show up in person
–  Attend meetups or conventions
–  Send postcards
–  Pass out flyers
–  Send lumpy mail
–  If you’ve thoroughly investigated one method, try another.

6.  Sharpen your axe. Sometimes it’s not about how hard you chop at the trees. It’s about how sharp your axe is. Develop yourself each day. Work on your general sales skills and charisma if those are useful. A chemist might brush up on his knowledge of synthetic organic chemistry.

7.  Work on your coping skills. Figure out the best ways to handle the stress and other negative emotions that commonly accompany failure and setbacks.

Keep your options healthy. Calling a friend, exercise, and meditation are examples of acceptable options.

Using drugs, alcohol, or food are examples of unhealthy coping strategies.

You can’t succeed if you can’t handle failure. Most of us are far more afraid of failure than we should be. A failed sales call or 30-foot putt isn’t a life and death matter. The most successful people fail more often than they succeed. It’s just part of the game.

One of the best ways to predict your success is to look at your ability to handle failure. Successful people handle failure without any undo fuss. Just learn and keep going.

 

The Circle of Life

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I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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A Busy Persons Guide To Making Your Life More Fulfilling

A Busy Persons Guide To Making Your Life More Fulfilling

If your life isn’t as fulfilling as you’d like, you probably aren’t making fulfillment a high priority. To maximize anything in your life, whether it be your health, income, or fun, it has to be a priority.

You can restructure your life and make fulfillment one of your most important objectives. Fulfillment might be a lot closer than you realize!

Get more of what you want out of each day with these strategies:

1.  Identify the things that bring you fulfillment. It’s hard to have a life overflowing with fulfillment if you don’t even know what makes you feel fulfilled. What do you currently find fulfilling in your life? What have you found fulfilling in the past? What other things do you believe you would find fulfilling?

2.  Identify the things in your life that don’t bring fulfillment. What are you currently spending time on regularly that doesn’t really matter to you? Most of our days aren’t particularly fulfilling, so your list of things might be quite long.

Pay special attention to those things that are optional. If they aren’t fulfilling, ask yourself why you do them.

3.  Eliminate as many maintenance activities as possible. Most of our lives are filled with maintenance activities. These are things that are necessary to keep our lives on track, but don’t necessarily create positive change. These items take a lot of time and typically aren’t fulfilling to the vast majority of people.

Maintenance tasks include items like shopping for food and clothes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, and mowing the grass. These items need to be done, but they don’t necessarily need to be done by you.

As your finances allow, consider paying others to do these tasks for you. Use the extra time to find something more fulfilling to do. Unless, of course, you find trimming your hedges fulfilling.

4.  Scrap the unnecessary. Things you don’t need in your life take up time and space that could be better spent on other items and activities.

Go through your house and your schedule and eliminate as many things as you can that you either don’t need or don’t love.

5.  Make time each day for your passion. Everyone’s life gets shorter each day. Avoid believing that you’ll have time in the future to pursue your passions. Begin making time today for those meaningful activities and try to do them every single day.

6.  Have goals for each day. Each day can be made more fulfilling just by making yourself feel like you made the most of it. Most people merely survive each day and have little to show for their time and effort. Have a plan for each day and strive to complete it. You’ll feel great at the end of the day.

7.  Have longer term goals, too. Long-term goals are important, too. They provide an overall theme to your life. When your life is about something, and you’re diligently working toward it, you’ll feel more fulfilled. Most people lack short-term and long-term goals.

8.  Surround yourself with the best people and avoid the worst. You’ll feel inspired, energized, and supported when you have great people in your life. You become a better version of yourself when you have wonderful people around you. Cut away the dead weight and make room for more great people.

To have more fulfillment, you must prioritize fulfillment. This simple fact escapes many people.

Does your life have a primary objective? Most people prioritize surviving, which is important, but rarely leads to fulfillment. Have a higher purpose and make your sense of fulfillment a daily goal. Make the most of each day.

 

The Circle of Life

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I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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10 Simple Truths That Will Set You Free

10 Simple Truths That Will Set You Free

Life isn’t as complicated or as scary as you might think. With just a few, simple truths, you can make your life a lot easier, more productive, and more enjoyable.

Most of us are worried about things that don’t matter. If we could see the reality of the situation, we’d worry a lot less.

We’re also making life more challenging than it needs to be.

Change your perspective with these simple truths, and your life will change, too:

  1. The Universe doesn’t care. Sometimes it seems like the sun, the moon, and the stars are plotting against you, but it’s simply not true. The universe doesn’t play favorites. It doesn’t care. It’s up to you to create the life you desire.
  2. Ninety-nine percent of the people in your life don’t really care, either. Most people aren’t that concerned with your happiness and success. They’re too busy worrying about themselves to worry about you. So, their opinions don’t really matter.
  3. In the long run, your mistakes won’t matter. If you’re worried about messing up, making an incorrect decision, or a mistake you’ve made, ask yourself if it will make a difference in a hundred years. If not, you can avoid worrying about it.
  4. It’s important to be choosy with regards to friends and romantic partners. Your life is incredibly important to you. Consequently, it’s important to be incredibly selective about who you allow into your life. The people in your life can make it significantly better or worse.
  5. Things beyond your control don’t deserve your attention. If you can’t affect it, what’s the point in worrying about it? Put your attention on something you can influence.
  6. Happiness and success don’t have to happen at the same time. There are successful people that are miserable. There are happy people that are struggling. Becoming successful won’t necessarily make you happy. If you seem to be failing left and right, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy.
  7. Making a mediocre choice is better than making no choice. Even if you don’t make the best choice, at least you’re moving forward. When you fail to make a decision, the decision will ultimately be made for you, and it won’t be in your best interest.
  8. It’s often surprising what people will do if you’ll just ask. Most people are more accommodating than you might think. Instead of trying to take on the world alone, considering asking for some help now and then. You never know if you don’t ask. If your request is refused, you’re not any worse off.
  9. Make your health a priority. We’d all be better off if we had made eating nutritiously and exercising a habit in our teenage years. It’s not too late to start. The sooner, the better. Decide to make your health a priority today. If you wait for a health crisis to take your health seriously, you’ve fallen way behind.
  10. How you spend your time matters. The quality of your life is determined by how you spend your time each day. Spending time on frivolous activities doesn’t add value to your life. Think about how you spend your time. If you’ll use it more productively, your life will be more fulfilling.

Understanding the basics of life makes the whole game easier. Life becomes complicated when we ignore these basic ideas. For example, if you believe the universe is fundamentally against you, and you let just anyone into your inner circle, where is your life likely to end up?

Accept responsibility for your life, realize what matters to you, and spend your time wisely. Allow these truths to set you free.

 

The Circle of Life

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I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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Understanding the Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Understanding the Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Understanding the Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence
People often confuse these two terms. Many assume they’re simply just two different words for the same thing, but this isn’t true. You can have a lot of self-esteem and minimal self-confidence. The opposite is also true.
Having both is important. You’ll be more successful, happier in general, and happier with yourself if you can cultivate both qualities.
See how self-confidence and self-esteem are two different things:
  • 1.  Self-confidence is situation specific. You can have a lot of self-confidence regarding your ability to do math, host a great party, or to play basketball. You can simultaneously have zero self-confidence in your ability to cook or sing.
Self-confidence is the amount of trust you have in yourself to do a particular task well.
  • 2.  Self-esteem is general impression you have of yourself. Self-esteem is a form of self-love. It’s how pleased you are with yourself in general. You can have a lot of self-confidence and very little self-esteem. The opposite can also be true.
  • 3.  Self-confidence is easier to build. Self-confidence is the result of preparation and success. For example, if you prepare well for an exam, you’ll have confidence in your ability to do well on that exam. When you have a history of doing well at something, you’ll develop self-confidence in that area.

4.  Self-esteem can’t be built with achievements, but self-confidence can. A wall full of trophies and awards can really boost your self-confidence. However, it may do little for your self-esteem. You can be great at something without valuing yourself.

Building self-confidence is work, but the work that needs to be done is quite clear. If you want to be confident at shooting free-throws, shoot 100 of them each day until you’re consistently successful. Practice giving speeches until you’re good at giving them and you’ll develop self-confidence in that area of your life.

 Learning to love yourself more will help you build self-esteem.

Practice these techniques to build your self-esteem:

  1. Identify your values and use them to guide your decisions. List your values and refer back to your list often. Think about changes you can make to your life to live according to your values. Failing to adhere to your values is a leading cause of low self-esteem.
  2. Reject perfection. If you’re trying to be perfect, you’re going to fail. If you consistently fail at living up to a standard, your self-esteem will suffer. Lower the bar to something achievable and give yourself the chance to be pleased with yourself.
  3. Volunteer. Spend some of your time each week helping others that are less fortunate. This is a great way to show yourself that you’re a kind and giving person. Find an organization that serves a cause that you feel empathy for.
  4. Manage your self-talk. If you spend all day insulting yourself, it’s tough to feel good about yourself. There’s no way to permanently shut down your inner vocalizations, but you can manage them. Stop yourself when you notice negative self-talk and turn it to something positive.

You can have one without the other. But it’s much more powerful to have both than to only have one. You can be wildly successful with just self-confidence, but your successes will never make you happy or satisfied. Both work together synergistically to create a life experience that can’t be duplicated any other way.

Build self-confidence in the areas that serve you. Build your self-esteem so you can love yourself.

 

The Circle of Life

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I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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Can You Really Have It All?

Can You Really Have It All?

Can You Really Have It All?

Of course, everyone wants to “have it all,” but is that even possible? There are a lot of opinions on the topic. Some people believe it’s entirely possible. Others insist that you can’t even some close.

Like many things in life, the most reasonable answer is, “It depends.” You can certainly have a lot if you’re willing to make enough of a sacrifice.

Consider these aspects:

  • 1.  Decide what having it all means to you. Everyone says they want to “have it all,” but what does that mean to you? Make a list of everything that you would have to have and experience in your life on a regular basis to be 100% satisfied with your life. Take all the time you need. Keep these categories in mind:
    • Relationships
    • Health and physical goals
    • Possessions
    • Hobbies
    • Career
    • Community
  • 2.  Notice the items that are under your control and those that are not. Review your list. Divide your list into two columns: Those things you can control and those you cannot.
    • You can’t control your spouse’s level of patience, tolerance, or their waistline.
    • You can’t control every aspect of your children.
    • You don’t have complete control over your career.

You’ll quickly find there’s not a lot that you can control in your life beyond your focus, effort, and attitude. Worrying about other things is an exercise in futility.

You can’t have everything. Time, money, and energy are limitations. Consider the items below:

  • Committed spouse
  • Active community members
  • Committed parent
  • Excellent friend
  • Great employee
  • Great boss
  • Mentor
  • Perfect neighbor
  • Big house
  • Luxury car
  • And the list goes on

Just reading this list can be enough to start an ulcer. How well could you accomplish all of those things and still enjoy your life?

With your idea of having it all, will you still be relaxed and happy? A simple life leads to higher levels of satisfaction and happiness. The more complicated your life, the less satisfied you’re likely to feel over the long term.

Life is about priorities. You can’t have everything, but you can have a lot. The more you want, the more it’s going to cost you. The more you want, the more complicated your life will become. The more complicated it is, the more scattered your energy and focus become.

  • What are your priorities in life?
  • Based on those priorities, re-answer the first item on this list.
  • The more things you ultimately want in your life, the lower your performance level will have to be in one or more areas.

“Can I have it all?” is an ambiguous question. Can you have it all if having it all means having a spouse, children, a home, a pleasant career, and a circle of friends? Sure. Can you have it all if you want to perform at the highest possible level in multiple categories in your life? Doubtful.

Having it all is limited by your definition of having it all.

There’s only so much time in a day. There’s a limit to how much anyone can do. Look at the most successful people in the world. Some other aspect of their life is usually a complete mess. It’s almost a universal truth. Excelling at one area requires making a sacrifice in others. It’s up to you to determine how much you’re willing to sacrifice.

So, you can have it all, provided that what you want is reasonable, and you’re committed.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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How to Create a 5-Year Plan for Your Life

How to Create a 5-Year Plan for Your Life

Did you plan out the last five years of your life? Most people don’t plan ahead that far. We often don’t even plan out the next day.

Imagine how much you could accomplish over the next five years if you made a reasonable plan and stuck to it.

Without a plan your life is unlikely to change much. You put yourself at the mercy of luck.

Consider these aspects of your life:

  1. Finances. Think about where you want to be financially. Consider income, net worth, debt, savings, and investments. Are there new income streams you want to create? What are your future plans for spending? Do you want to purchase a house? A boat? An investment property?
  2. Health. What are your current health challenges? How much do you want to weigh? What type of diet do you want to follow? How fit do you want to be?
  3. Career. Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you want to be working? What do you want to be doing? Do you need to go back to school? What is your dream job?
  4. Relationships. Are there any relationships you’d like to create or dissolve? Do you want to have children or more children?
  5. Personal Development. Do you want to learn to speak Spanish or to play the piano? Would you like to learn how to dance? What would you like to learn or to become? What skills do you need to acquire to make the most of the next five years?
  6. Adventure. What would you like to do? Climb a mountain? Go skydiving? See a volcano? What adventures would you like to experience over the next five years?

Write down what you want for each of these six areas of your life. Once you’ve completed that, begin the process of making a plan for the future. It’s not enough to know where you’re going. You must plan your path, too.

These strategies will help you to create a plan and execute it:

  • 1.  Set goals. Create a few goals for each area of your life and set deadlines for each goal. Avoid just having long-term goals. It’s important to have shorter-term goals that lead up to your bigger goals.

It’s hard to maintain focus on goals that require more than 10 weeks to reach. Break your goals down into smaller chunks.

  • 2.  Write a plan. You know what you want to accomplish. You have goals. Create a detailed plan about what you want to accomplish over 10-week segments of time. Just start at the end and keep working back to the present day. Make beginning simple enough that you could literally start doing something today.
  • 3.  Create habits. Goals are easy to achieve if you can create the right habits. The challenge is figuring out the right habits and then implementing them. With effective habits, success is a cinch.

There’s a lot of material available on how to create habits. Educate yourself. It’s an incredibly valuable skill to have.

Choose a direction for your life by choosing a destination. Most people fail to plan their lives in any meaningful way. We often keep our focus too short to ever create anything substantial in the future. A 5-year goal is a good step towards making impressive changes in your life.

 

The Circle of Life

Reveal the “big picture” of your true dreams – and pave the road for a real, personalized action plan

I am a Board Certified Life Coach, a Board Certified Health Coach,  and a teacher of Mindfulness Living who helps people unlock their potential and live life on Purpose

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