6 Human Needs
TYPES BY FIRST two needs
I am in inner turmoil and conflict since these are conflicting needs. Sometimes I want stay put, be comfortable and make sure that I feel safe and secure. At other times I seek change, variety in my activities, and suspense. I want to take risks and feel excited. This inner conflict affects my relationships since people aren’t sure of what it is that I truly want, and therefore they don’t know how to help me to fulfill my needs. When I have certainty, I crave uncertainty/variety. And when I have uncertainty/variety, I crave certainty. It often seems to me that I will never have enough of either one. At work, I need a comfortable, organized, predictable environment, yet I also need uncertainty, new experiences and challenges, which might be disconcerting to fellow workers.
I am in inner conflict because significance can only be accomplished by comparing yourself to others, by being competitive, being out there in the world and by taking risks. On the other hand, I don’t want to be competitive, to take risks or to be out there in the world. Because of my need for certainty I have trouble involving myself with people, yet I can only satisfy my need for significance by comparing myself to others. I need the certainty of knowing that I’m significant and important, and this makes it difficult to get along with me. It’s difficult for me to truly love and take care of others because I am so focused on my inner feelings.
It’s important for me to distinguish whether it is certainty or love/connection that is my number one need. If certainty is number one, my love will not flow easily, since I need to feel certain before I can freely give love, and certainty is very difficult to accomplish. If love/connection is my number one need, my love will flow, even when I don’t feel certain and I will be able to love and be loved. Yet, the need for certainty, even when it is my need number two, will put restraints on my ability to love and to connect to others. I have trouble at work if I feel that the work environment is not comfortable, organized, predictable and if I don’t feel connected and appreciated by others.
My inner conflict is that I want to feel comfortable, safe, and secure. I need a predictable environment and I don’t want to take risks. Yet to grow, I need to put myself out there, take risks, extend the limits of my comfort and stretch myself. To satisfy my need for certainty, I prefer to avoid new people and new situations. To satisfy my need for growth I need to become involved with new people and new situations. This inner conflict preoccupies me and makes it difficult for people to help me to satisfy my needs, since they don’t know whether certainty or growth are more important to me. One way I can resolve this dilemma is that I can always be certain that I can grow, because there are always new things to learn and new skills to be developed. The way to resolve my conflict is to satisfy my need for certainty by always growing. I might have difficulties at work if I don’t feel that I’m growing and, at the same time, that I am in comfortable, organized, predictable environment.
If certainty means that I cannot take risks, that everything has to be predictable and that I must always feel comfortable, then certainty and contribution are conflicting needs. In order to contribute, I need to put myself out there, take risks and the results are not always predictable. However, if I can satisfy my need for certain by contributing, then there is no inner conflict. I can always be certain that I will contribute. Everyone can contribute beyond oneself and I can be sure that I will find ways of making a contribution to others. At work, my need for certainty might interfere with my need to contribute to the people I work with, if I feel they are not collaborating sufficiently in creating a predictable, organized work environment.
I have the inner conflict that I like uncertainty, variety, suspense, risk and yet I want to always feel important, significant. When there is uncertainty and things are unpredictable, I cannot be sure that I will experience the sense of being important and significant that I crave. Yet if I don’t face uncertainty, I can’t be sure that I will feel significant enough. My need for both uncertainty/variety and significance can sometimes lead me to be too competitive and confrontational with people, and therefore it can be difficult to get along with me. One solution to my inner conflict is for me to experience significance precisely because I’m capable of experiencing uncertainty and variety, rather than because I’m more important and more competitive than others. I may be a difficult person to work with because I want to always feel important and my need for uncertainty/variety interferes with the ability to be organized and efficient. My need for both significance and uncertainty/variety may lead me to neglect my health and to risk injuries in sports and other activities.
It is difficult for me to have a stable, long-term relationship with a partner or spouse. There are too many tempting possibilities for uncertainty and variety out there. I might seek to satisfy my need for uncertainty/variety by getting involved with other people that threaten my primary relationship or by getting involved with activities that take me away from my partner. This conflict is exacerbated if the number one need is uncertainty/variety and love/connection is second, because it will be difficult for me to love and take care of the people that are important in my life. If love/connection is the first need and uncertainty/variety is second, it will not be easy but I will be able to give priority to the ones I love instead of to my need for new experiences. Work may be difficult for me if I don’t feel there are sufficient variety and a good connection with the people I work with. In terms of health, I might exhaust myself trying to give enough time to fulfilling both my need for love/connection and for love.
These needs are not incompatible or conflicting and I will be able to satisfy my need for uncertainty/variety through my personal growth, and my need for growth through new experiences that give me the uncertainty/variety that I need. However, because these are my two most important needs, I tend not to focus sufficiently on relationships and on the people I care about. People might feel that I don’t give them enough and that I don’t truly love them. Work may be difficult for me if I don’t feel that there is sufficient variety and opportunity for growth. In terms of health and safety, I might take too many risks that may result in injuries or health problems.
These needs are not incompatible or conflicting and I will be able to satisfy my need for uncertainty/variety by contributing to others, and I will be able to satisfy my need for contribution by finding different ways of contributing. However, because these are my two most important needs, I tend not to focus sufficiently on relationships and on the people I care about. People might feel that I don’t give them enough and that I don’t truly love them. Work may be difficult for me if I don’t feel that there is sufficient variety and opportunity to contribute. In terms of health and safety, I might take too many risks that may result in injuries or health problems.
I will have trouble fulfilling my need for love/connection because it’s difficult to love someone who has to feel important all the time. I have a better chance if love/connection is my first need, but even so I will experience difficulties. I have a hard time experiencing love/connection when I don’t feel important and respected at the same time. I sometimes try to feel connected and loved because I’m so important and this is precisely what pushes people away from me. If I feel insignificant, I feel unloved and I might attempt to feel connected through confrontation and intimidation. This makes it difficult to work with me and to be in a long-term stable relationship.
My inner conflict is that to grow I have to be willing to accept that there are new things for me to learn and new skills that I can develop. Yet, sometimes my need to feel significant makes me think that I already know everything. This inner conflict is more troubling if significance comes first and growth comes second. When growth is first, I can satisfy my need for significance by growing, developing new skills and learning. Because these are my two most important needs, people might feel that I’m not sufficiently connected to them and that I don’t’ care enough for them. I might be difficult to work with because I’m so focused on myself. I tend to take good care of my health when it’s part of my need to feel that I’m growing and that I’m important.
My inner conflict is that to fulfill my need to contribute, I have to focus on others, and not on myself; and to fulfill my need for feeling important and significant, I have to focus on myself and not on others. This inner conflict can be resolved if I’m able to satisfy my need for significance through the contributions I make to others. Because these are my two most important needs, family members and important people in my life might feel that I’m not sufficiently connected to them and that I don’t care enough about them. I might be difficult to work with because I’m so focused on what is important to me. I might neglect my health if I feel that taking care of myself physically and emotionally interferes with my need to gain importance and to make a contribution.
My inner conflict is that my need for personal growth interferes with putting enough focus and energy on connecting with others and on giving and receiving love. In order to grow, I have to focus on myself and not on others; and in order to satisfy my need for love/connection, I have to focus on others and not on myself. This inner conflict can be resolved if I’m able to satisfy my need for growth through love and connection to others. When growth is my first need, I may not be able to feel loved and connected unless I feel I’m growing. When love/connection comes first, I may not be able to feel that I’m growing unless I’m connected and loved. I often want my spouse or partner to participate in my growth experiences so I can feel connected and loved through growth.
If my need for contribution comes first, I have trouble with those I love as they might feel that contributing to others or to the world is more important to me than they are. This conflict is less severe if my first need is for love/connection and contribution is second, since I will only be able to fulfill my need for contribution if I feel love and connection. This conflict is resolved if my need to contribute is in great part fulfilled through my need to give love to others. I often want my spouse or partner to participate in the contributions I make so I can feel connected and loved through contribution.
I might have trouble with those I love because they may feel that my need to grow and to contribute is more important to me than they are. They might feel neglected and resentful. This conflict can be resolved if my need for growth and contribution includes contributing to those I love and helping them to grow in the ways that they want to grow. I might have conflicts with my spouse or partner if I want him/her to value growth and contribution in the same way I do.